Saturday, May 7, 2016

To the Mom who is Ashamed

It was one of those God moments. Where you know He carefully orchestrated just the right moment for us to meet.  I was watching my children play when another little boy came up and began to play.  His mother apologized profusely because he was non-verbal. She didn’t want us to be offended that he didn’t answer when my littlest was trying to talk to him.  She looked scared, broken, guarded and exhausted.  I felt God drawing us to each other in her deepest hour.  I hugged her and tears welled up in her eyes.  She explained she prays and follows the Bible and just doesn’t understand why this is happening and why it’s so hard.  I knew exactly how she felt because that was (and sometimes still is) me.  Defeated, broken, scrambling to the surface of the water on which everyone else seems to be floating, while basking in the sun.  Well the fact is everyone has their “thing” that pulls them under. So don’t feel like you’re the only one alive that is struggling. 
This mother witnessed my littlest throw a sweet little tantrum sending the lens of my glasses soaring into the air.  She asked me how I handled it so calmly and what wisdom did I have that I could bestow upon her. I stifled a giggle.  We try to be on our best behavior when in public, even when our children aren’t.  Had she seen some of my dealings with my children, she wouldn’t have been so impressed.  But it got me thinking.  I’ll never win a gold medal in parenting.  It has been more challenging and heart breaking in the last 5 years than we ever expected, but the most rewarding time in our parenting to date. But through all those struggles, we’ve learned a few things. 


I know it sounds clich√©: “Just pray.”, but by this I mean on your knees, tears falling to the ground, broken before the Lord.  Be clear in what you need.  Tell Him how angry you are.  How you have no strength left.  As for His Wisdom. Love. Kindness. Direction.  Joy. Pray excepting.  Expecting Him to do the work and use you as the vessel.  If you try to do the work on your own power it will not be fruitful (I’m still learning this). And don’t believe the lie “if you have enough faith, He will answer your prayer.” Some prayers are answered overnight. Others take years or even decades. Sometimes the answer is “No, you have to deal with what I gave you because…” But just imagine the testimony you will have when He is done.

Ask for help! 

Ask loved ones, a teacher or your doctor if they notice something about your child that might need additional attention.  This will save you a lot of heartache and it will help your child’s future teachers.  Please don’t be too proud to ask others for help.  Look for mentors who have parented children successfully to help you in this journey.   It is in your child’s best interest.


I know I’m a teacher, but I’m a mom and a wife and frankly I don’t really read anything.  I listen to audio books. This has been my saving grace.  Ask other friends who parent similarly and see what they have on their bookshelves.  Find someone who is struggling in the same area you are and do a book study to keep each other accountable. (Doing this now and it’s super fun and encouraging!)

Don’t apologize!

God has placed an amazing little life in your hands.  There are women around the world with the heartache of not being able to have their own family.  Cherish these amazing gifts even if they feel more like lumps of coal than diamonds.  In my experience God does the most amazing things with children who are challenging.  They learn how to fight through and persevere.  Apologizing tells the other person that they have the right to judge you and your parenting.  They don’t.  It tells your child, you’re sorry for them. Not necessarily what they did but who they are.  Now understand this, All children need to be held accountable for their actions.  Special needs or not, they need to learn right from wrong.  Even if they are non-verbal or cognitively impaired.  Find what consequences work for them, but by all means don’t apologize for them because God made them different.


Mom, I see you falling asleep each night with tears rolling down your face, wondering where you went wrong.  God sees you , He’s just waiting for you to surrender so He can do the heavy lifting. 

God bless you all,

Minute Mommy